caracaleo

Archive for the ‘About Me and My Stories’ Category

You know when you think you know what your voice sounds like, but then you hear it.. ya my voice is weird.

I wanted to make a video because now you can hear my thoughts and see me as I say them…i’m bizarre sorry. Love everyone on here thank you for all your love and support.

 

Part 1

Part 2

This is watson … my little man. My love..

I’m in the picture too, lol

In case you don’t know this story, I am crazy. A lot crazy. Like over the moon gone and not coming back.

The crazy has always been inside me..That’s true. However, in the last two years the crazy has been released. It has become more powerful. It has taken hold. I am at it’s mercy and I love it. It means that life is never boring at least. Sometimes I get Wild. I mean just not like crazy. I don’t go out and drink or smoke or do drugs. This is a different kind of crazy. This crazy is saying Hi to everyone in the world. Having no head-mouth filter. Having no sense of personal boundaries. In addition, it means I make new best friends everyday. It’s crazy.

The crazy wasn’t always this out of control. Lately , for the last two years at least…the crazy has reared its head. Why you may ask? Why has the crazy come out? Well, like I said the crazy has come out.

My best friend (Samantha <3) was around me before. For the last two years she has been on the other side of the country going to graduate school (btw she is graduating next week! GO SAM!) . People are often surprised that she and I are best friends. It’s because it seems like we have drastically different personalities. Sam is more reserve calm and logical. I am just weird. You see when Sam and I are around each other she balances out my crazy – brings me to a state of calm, a state of balance. She’s always there and helps me be like rational and focused. I can talk to her about everything, and she has the best advice. In turn I give Sam a little crazy. I push her to do new things and try new things. Although our personalities see like polar opposites I don’t think this is true. I think we are actually really similar and have similar views on life, values, etc. We like mesh. We both care about work and school. We are super similar, we just have a different approach to it. I am so lucky to have her .

So I am attributing the unleashed craziness due to the fact she’s not around. I’m pretty sure this is it. Either that or the crazy has turned into a new animal. SAMMY I miss you 🙂 You’re my best friend soulmate -> screw boys. I have you.

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It’s sad to say but I think for the first time I’ve just started to stand up for myself. I’ve just started to see my worth and my value and know what I want and know what I don’t want. I’m also sticking to my guns. It’s hard. It feels weird too. I’ve not wanted to stand up for myself sometimes because I want to fix people. I wanted to be what people need me to be. I don’t deserve that. I know what I want. I’m not willing to settle or make sacrifices I care about myself and I respect myself. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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I have no freaking clue. Me? I can’t define myself. I am constantly under construction, but here are a few things..Because someone asked me if I was a mom or married.

*I have no idea why anyone would want to read the things I say..hehe. Because I literally write them as I think them and post immediately and don’t edit. My dad calls it diarrhea of the mouth. It’s uncontrollable. “Sometimes I said I have no grasp of that whole brain – mouth thing . (This is different than just a filtration issue. I don’t really know what it is.

1. My Name: Maryam

2. Nationality: Persian/American

Persian Dad/ American Mom

3.No Siblings

4. Age: 22

5. Zodiac Sign: Capricorn

People need to know this. I had two relationships with other

capricorns it should be illegal capricorn+capricorn equals a world of crazy.

6. Pets: Two Dogs

 

This is my crazy girl. She’s such a cuteness baby girl. I love her. She’s a Maltese. She’s 5 Years Old. Her name is George. Yes she is a girl, and her name is George. You are wondering, oh why is her name George? I read Nancy Drew books growing up , you know those hard-cover versions that were bright yellow and ugly. BUT AWESOME. Nancy Drew’s best friend was a girl named George. She’s literally crazy.

This is the little man. His name is Watson. I adopted him two Christmas’s ago. He is my love sponge. He is probably around 3/4 years old we aren’t sure though. He is a Portuguese Podengo Pequeno. A mouthful right? I love him is the best little baby doll. Why did I name him Watson? Sherlock Holmes has his sidekick doctor Watson. Watson is the sneakiest little sweet puppy. Such a good dog.

My puppies a home movie. Ignore my crazy annoying voice.

7: Education : Undergraduate Degree BS in Biochemistry (Double Major) ( University of San Francisco – Private Jesuit School) Future Education: Vet School

8. Relationship Status: single, never married.

9. Favorite Place/Where I Grew Up/Where I Was Educated/Where I Will Die: San Francisco. Best place on the planet.

BTW this is for San Francisco and this University of San Francisco’s New Slogan

That’s Right Bitches

10. Favorite Sports Teams: SF Giants (Baseball) + Real Madrid (Soccer) but I really enjoy almost any international soccer. I don’t think there is a better thing in this world then going to an afternoon Giants game in the sun drinking lemonade or beer.

11. Best Friend: Sam: This wonderful girl is so lovely I can count of her always. People say our personalities are opposite, but we work really well together. I’m trying to get her to move to San Francisco!!!!!!! My awesome smart girl just got her MASTERS degree.

12. Celebrity Man Crushes: Harrison Ford, Liam Nesson, Sean Bean. Everyone says this is gross. Because they are like 5 ba-gillion years old. They are wrong.

13. Share a quirky habit you have. How long have you had it? My friends all know this I don’t really like sitting at desks or studying in like a normal place. You will find me in a hallway somewhere sitting on the ground..Whatever works right? Oh and I drink milk with ice.

14. Piercings/ Tatts: No tatts. Regular ear piercing and a small extra one right next to the normal hole on the right hand side.

15. What skill do you need in order to succeed? Patience

16. Choose a word that best describes your life up to this moment? Organized Chaos/Under Construction

17.For what do you think you would be willing to lay down your life? Something i believe with everything that I am. I don’t have this now or a cause or a reason to lay down my life..There are many situations I could see it happening , standing up for what I believe in.

18.What is the most honest thing you have done? Told the truth to people even if it hurts.

19. What is the most beautiful thing about people? Their spirit/aura

20.What comes to mind first when you hear the word “reality”? No such thing

21. Most Commonly Used Phrases

“Holy Canoli”

“Did you know…”

“Googoo…”

“Wonko”

“Crazy Train”

“Coo coo ka chu ku”

“Frak”

“I love you”

“You’re my favorite person of the day.”

“I JUST SAW THE CUTEST FLUFFIEST PUPPPY”

22. Favorite Books: 1984, Fahrenheit 451, Dune, The Handmaid’s Tale, My Father’s Dragon, The Diamond in the Window

22. Who is the most relevant person in our time? All 7 billion of us on the planet

23. What’s your favorite cartoon character, and why? Dori – Finding Nemo, see previous post

24. What gives you butterflies in your tummy? Love, or at least the thought of love

25. What have you been thinking about lately? *heheheh giggle

26. Thing you like about the opposite sex: how they smell, not their cologne. Like their skin. It has to like click and smell good to me.

27. If you could be a magical creature, what would you be? Totoro

28. Most Influential Person in Your Life: My grandfather. He passed away almost 1 1/2 ago. I looked up to him for everything. I stopped school in the middle of the semester and moved back to go to school in San Francisco, because I wanted to be close to my family. I still can’t see or talk to my grandmother. I just can’t

29.Do you want to be perfect? No theres no such thing anyway

30. How do you know what true love is? You know. You feel it. Plus they are someone who treats you well, who you can communicate with, someone who is at the same place in their life as you. You need to have all the crazy butterfly crap with someone who is compatible with you. Not identical thats boring> You need to push eachother and learn from eachother.

31. Are you stubborn? VERRRRRRRRRRRRY

32. Do you believe that there is life on other planets? Quote from contact “If there isn’t it seems like an awfully big waste of space.”

33. What do you use more often: your intuition or logical reasoning? intuition and my heart.

Okay I’m really freaking hot right now. I’m inside an old building and its like 80 degrees outside and in San Francisco we do not believe in air conditioning so I would like to kill myself because I’m so hot. There are more things I want to say though.

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For the first time in my life I’m starting to feel like an adult. It’s funny to think, but I think I’ve learned more about life and myself in the last month or so that I ever have. I feel like I’ve felt things. I feel like I’ve gone through them and understood them. For the first time I feel like I see things clearly. It’s like its there you know? I’m not completely sure what that means. But for the first time I feel like I’m rational and making smart decisions.

Originally in this post I was going to say I was mad. I am mad at the situation I am in. But that’s not fair to say. I have no one to blame but myself for my current predicament…and I like that. I like realizing what I did and why I did it. It’s like very grown up. It’s like I’m really proud of myself. I’m not just thinking about doing what I know is best for me I’m actually doing it.. I just have to keep it up. Keep moving forward and realize my strength and worth.

Love love love

Now can I ask you all something? If I’m crazy and and a little bit off the wall is that like a resisting prey to a predator.No its probably one of those stupid birds that sticks its head in a hole. I am that. I am that turtle that is there and pretends to be a rock even though we both know I am not that rock. I am like those fainting goats. I am Dori – basically I’m so retarded that you like me and keep me around for entertainment purposes. You aren’t sure whether you can or can’t have me…so you think you’re better off without…You don’t wanna get all up in the crazy.

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That’s the thing. I would definitely be scared of me if I were a guy. That’s what I have to think. Here I’m a cute girl you know whatever…But then I open my mouth. It never closes. I am loud. I go up to every random person I know and I make friends. Every random one. I don’t understand personal space so even if I am meeting someone for the first time I may possibly only stand an inch away from their face. Most likely I will touch their hair or their face or their clothes (Most of the time I just do this and I don’t ask if it’s okay). I tend to be a little different. That’s what everyone says. They say oh she’s a little crazy. But it’s not like i’m that crazy person talking to herself on the side of the road, okay sometimes I am.. but I am well dressed and showered. My friends say and know i’m crazy but then they say “that’s just me”. I like to think I’m organized chaos . But lately I’m starting to realize part of being a normal functioning human being is yes I can be the crazy coocoo ca chu coo. I realize this. I think actually when I met I scare most people. They think I’m fake super nice blah blah.but then they meet me and realize I am genuine. I am super nice all the time, and always a good friend. I’m there for my friends when they need me and I do my best. BUT I can be the biggest nastiest bitch if you fuck with my friends. I will fucking rip you a new one. It scares people to see me angry. I am really happy and smily all the time. When people see me angry they know they fucked up. I can be scarier than a big 250lb wrestler.. I use my words to kick ur ass. This rarely happens. It only happens when I am very very offended disrespected or hurt. It also happens in situations where people abuse and hurt my friends.

The best part , or the worst part of both, is that I am fully aware of it.

Let me get back to the whole Dori from Finding Nemo thing. Someone said this once in a crowded room of people who know me. I don’t remember who said it. I wish I did. Anyways they said it and one of my professors I had known and who loves me started laughing so hard he was crying and about to pee his pants. Following this everyone else in the room did the same. I’ll explain how I’m like Dori in a minute.

I do this. Exactly like this. I talk to randoms and say oh hey do you know where this is. Have I met you before. I do this everyday. Not in a normal oh hey how are you. Like run up into their face attack mode. Like Dori. Then I proceed to speak whale or dance or do weird things in public…I will do things like speak whale even if there isn’t someone there. I have been known to speak dog.

1. I get distracted by shiny things. 2. I call things squishy and make names and do this everyday.

The thing is I don’t have memory problems. So I’m not really like Dori completely.  I’m a really big nerd so there are things you could say to associate me with beaker, from the Muppets. This is probably only because I make weird noises and studied biochemistry in school and have worked in two research labs. Take that bitches I am smart and crazy.

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This is Beaker

Then again I’m not really like Dori and Beaker. I certainly have elements of them.

I feel like I want to be Liam Neeson. In almost all of his characters. I want to hear the him say his most awesome lines. I love most of his characters so I guess my spirit is all of Liam Neeson’s characters… such as

Taken: ” don’t know who you are. I don’t know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my daughter go now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”

Unknown: “I didn’t forget everything. I remember how to kill you, asshole.”

The Grey: “Once more into the fray. Into the last good fight I’ll ever know. Live or die on this day. Live or die on this day.”

Plus I want to be Aslan the Lion.

Okay sorry I just threw in the land random stuff


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